An Undoing Gaze

I didn’t know if he’d come, it was our last performance. I wanted him to be there, to see what I had put so much work into the past few weeks. I paced around back stage wondering, then the lights had seized. I got into my starting position, the music flooded the room, as we started the routine. I couldn’t see him, but I didn’t have much of an opportunity to look. I wait for the next scene to start, this time my eyes have a clear view of the audience. My eyes go wide, as I see him in the front row. The front row. Why of all places did he have to be in the front row! My cheeks get red and I look away focusing on the choreography. I file off the stage as the scene comes to an end and go change for my next scene. This time as I’m on stage I catch his eyes and try really hard not to smile as my scene was supposed to be serious. My blush follows me as I try to focus on the back of the auditorium hoping to evade my smile.

He came and sat alone in the front row without shame.

Manic Whispers

“I hate it. I hate it. I hate it. I hate it. I hate it. Why am I like this! Why was I like that! I hate it. I hate it. I hate it. Make it stop. Make it stop. Make it stop.”

I kept screaming but it was so high, no noise was coming out. I kept screaming, but no air being able to come into my lungs because of it.

“Keep screaming. Keep screaming. Keep screaming. Keep screaming. It’ll make it stop. Keep screaming. Keep screaming. Keep screaming. Keep screaming. Keep screaming.”

I walk towards the library as quick as I can, hoping to take refuge in his arms. Hoping it’d make it all stop. He asks me what’s wrong. I shake my head and grab him tighter. He rotates us, and forces me to sit down. I try to hold on tighter but the lack of oxygen was getting to me. He tells me to breathe, that it’s going to be okay. If only he knew that I only wanted to be in his arms, that was the only thing in that moment that I thought would help. That putting even an inch of distance between us made it worse.

Cozy By The Fire

It shocked me how comfortable I was.
You just felt so much like home.
It was as if you were supposed to be there. 
You were so warm that I wasn’t worried. 
You made me feel snug,-safe,-tranquil even. 
Something about you just makes me feel,
like I’m getting a never-ending hug.

No Parking Pass

The moment you got in the car,
you started messing with everything, 

The cherry car refreshing spray, 
was your first victim, 
something I threatened you against spraying. 

The radio,
every station examined for only a second before being switched to the next.

Your curiosity slowed when your friend had approached us at my driver-side window,
He was asking me something but all I was aware of was you, 
I nodded to what he was saying.
Maintaining eye contact with him,
I reached my hand across you and cuffed your face,
something I wouldn’t have dared to do if my eyes were meeting yours,
you echoed back with, “awe”. 
Not knowing how long was too long, 
I moved my hand, 
it had actively started searching for your hand for reassurance. 

R.I.P. Brunette Locks

I bet they’ve made you shave your head already. How swiftly I started hating the idea of the military, when you told me they’d mercilessly slaughter something I was so enamored with, that I’d run my fingers through for hours.

Temptress

I skip every Taylor Swift song that plays on my spotify playlists, because she is known for loving Taylor Swift.

I wore my yellow pleated skirts with pride, until she started wearing pink one’s. I don’t want to be her. I don’t want to be compared to her. I don’t want to have any similarities with her. I want no part of her in my life.

She poisons everyone around her. I’m done with having that poison be forced down my throat.

You’re the only person, I’d ever want to help me carry 3 gallons of sweet tea, up flights of stairs.

Sipping Hot Tea

I don’t know what’s going to happen to us, or to you, or even to me. I don’t know much but I do know that when I wake up, I want your warm body wrapped around my shivering one. I want to pull you into the kitchen because I’m hungry and not ready to let go of you yet. I know that bathroom breaks won’t be allowed during cuddling sessions, because I’ll be too comfortable in your arms. I know that one day you’ll find how I talk myself to sleep annoying. I know that one day I might slap you with a tortilla. I know that I want to kiss you under the bicycle racks in walmart. I know that I’ll want to drag you up to dance with me everytime a good song comes on, even with your protest. I know very little, but I couldn’t be more sure of one thing, I want you.

Uncertainty of Change

They told me you’d change. 
I mean, I knew you would, you knew you would.. 
It’s terrifying..
-Knowing that all the parts of you that I have just started to discover and love,
could seemingly disappear before I had gotten the chance to admire them fully yet. 

I learned that I loved the rasp of your voice when you’re tired, 
I learned that you’ll fall asleep then wake up just to ask a question, 
then fall back asleep so fast you don’t hear my answers.

They told me you’d become aggressive and angry.
They told me you’d develop a crushing sense of superiority. 
They told me you’d become even more closed off,
how I pray you don’t,
as our only chance of survival is with our soft authentic words.
They told me I was dumb to love the you I know now, because that you will no longer exist.   

Although, I know you’ll change, I guess I’m choosing to hope it’ll be for the better, and what you want. 
I choose to believe that if it’s what you want, I’m sure I’ll love those new parts of you regardless. 

New Parts Of Them

It’s weird, falling in love with someone who once was your best friend. You see sides of them you never knew were there, it’s almost unsettling. That is until you start to fall in love with those parts of them too.

The part of them that threatens to put you on the hood of their car. The part of them that tells you that you might be more comfortable laying on their chest. The part of them that asks if boobs produce body heat. The part of them that once checked on you when it was thundering. The part of them that tells you they love you.

-The part of you that has never heard something so fulfilling, as those comforting 3 words leave their lips.